We moved into a new house a little over three weeks ago. I underestimated how disorienting a reshuffle can be. Finding the right places for things. Prioritizing the kitchen over the bedroom. I still need a dresser.

I’m already beginning to feel restless. I need to establish new routines. It’s easy to view a move as a positive development but re-establishing healthy routines is challenging. Especially with a child’s nap schedule in mind.

I tread lightly because privacy in my personal life is important to me. But after becoming a father 21 months ago I’m only just beginning to process how the transition has affected me. There isn’t much time or attention left over for anything else after a day of being present for the fam. I haven’t written anything of substance in almost a year. My exercise consists of picking things up off the floor. I’m tired by 8 pm. Even though I thoroughly enjoy making up songs on the banjo with the my daughter - bonafide hits like ‘Ode to PB&J’ or “Who’s In The Mushroom House?” - I’m not sure I’m ready to fully pivot to a career in kid’s music :)

Although, I do have some shows at City Winery coming up in May that I feel pretty good about. It’ll be fun to go through my catalogue chronologically with an audience and talk about how songs came to be. And also give fans a chance to hear ‘New Dessert’. However, it’s easy to start daydreaming on a career beyond performance. I woke up the other day craving structure. A job that gets me up and out of the house each day to balance out how much time I spend in it.

Then I think about all the time I get to spend with my daughter. Going on walks to the library and smelling the rosemary bush, looking for dogs, dancing to ABBA and eating berries. I remind myself there’s nothing else I should be doing. This is it. Still I’m conflicted. Absorbing the reality of the new music business messes with the confidence I have in my abilities to provide for the household.

I remedy this uneasiness by creating structure around projects already moving. The U of C Discord begins its new semester on March 26th - meeting every Wednesday @ 6pm est for the next 3 months. (Last semester’s community project ‘Tripping Vol. 1’ is out now with Vol. 2 to follow shortly!) Mondays are for ‘Colonist & Conspiracies’. And I’m sure I’ll be sharing my baseball commentary within the Fantasy Sports channel. Still, the current industry landscape encourages your focus to be almost entirely on you. Endless self promotion. Understandably, a lot of my focus has shifted away from me. And as I circle attention back to creative pursuits - it’s easy to see how my motivation has changed. It’s a little scary to be honest.

But it’s also exciting. The new parameters around life require more discipline. They require better communication with my partner. They require core strength. They demand the structure I’m currently craving. And if done properly I might be able to be finished by 8 pm. I feel the presence of possibility coinciding with the first bloom of Spring. I look forward to checking back in on how I’m able to change with the season.

I’ll keep you posted!

<3

apr